Tears
by Winters'Darkened'Reflection
Summary: After the death of her mother he changed. No longer was he the caring father she had once adored; now he was a monster who loved to hurt her. Later on a HGSS story.
1. Default Chapter

Tears

Blood ran down her beaten body. Every bone in her body ached. She slowly picked herself up and headed to her room. Her head began to spin, her stomach did back flips. She had to hurry, he would be back soon, and she didn't want him to find her down stairs. She opened her bedroom door and slowly made her way to get some new clothes form her dresser. As she picked her clothing, a pair of black thick jeans and a thick sweater, tears ran down her broken brown eyes. She hated it here, ever since her mother had died, he had treated her trash, a punching bag, and his... his… She couldn't bring herself to say it even mentally.

He blamed her for what had happened to her mother, but it wasn't her fault. It just couldn't be, she kept telling herself. Her heart ached, as she made her way to the bathroom. Thinking of her mother, always made her heart ache with pain. She looked at herself in the mirror, her lip was cut, she had cuts on her arms and legs, bruises where starting to form in her face as well as her arm. She slowly turned on the hot water and let the sink fill up with it. She grabbed a towel off one of the shelves on the wall and dipped it into the water. The warm water stung the cuts on her hand as she dipped it. She slowly brought it up to her head. She had a deep cut running down one side of her head.

She carefully placed it on the wound, she hissed in pain as it came into contact. She dipped the towel again in the water again and began to clean other wounds she had just received and those that had been re-opened by his beating. By the time she finished cleaning all her wounds it was thirty minuets past midnight. Maybe he'll stay away tonight she thought. God, she hoped so. She didn't have the physical and emotional strength to fight what he would do to her if he returned even drunker than before. She slipped on her thick paints over her cut and bruised thin legs, and then she placed her thick brown sweater over her head and pulled it down.

She quickly and quietly made her way back to her bedroom. She slipped into bed with her body aching and her heart pounding against her thin chest. She sighed, she better sleep a bit before he returned from getting more liquor for himself. She often wondered why he hadn't just killed her yet, but yet again, he need her….and after all he was her father. Her father, David Granger. Those thoughts ran through her mind as she slipped into an un-peaceful slumber, as tears slipped down her puffy beaten cheeks.


	2. Surviving

Surviving 

Hermione was awakened by a noise down stairs. She sat on the bed, and prayed that he would not come up stairs. Her prayers where not answered though, as she heard foot steps coming approching the room she was in. She quickly laid back down, closing her eyes, and pretended to be asleep.

"Wake up," said a very drunk man, who she once called her father, as he shook her roughly. She looked up at him, his brown light eyes looking down at her.

"Yes?" She asked, afraid of what might happen next...

"Get up, get undressed and come here," he said. Tears slid down her cheeks as she stood up. If she ran, he would catch her, beat her and rape her more. She thought, J_ust do as he says and he'll leave_.

She removed her sweater and thick pants, leaving nothing on… She saw him smile as he looked at her, she felt sick…

"Come here" he said as he pulled her on top of him.. .. He pressed his lips against hers; he bit her lip so she would open her mouth so hard it began to bleed in a new place. She could taste liquor, tears slid down her cheeks as she felt his hand grab her breast.

_God, Please,_ she prayed, _help me, what have I done to deserve this?_ He stopped his brutalizing kiss and pushed her off him, and began to remove his clothing. 

She looked down at the floor, and heard him bark for her to get up, she did as she was told and stood up. He slid his hands down her sides and pressed her closer to him; Hermione closed her eyes and wished she could just die.

_Just kill me now,_ she thought, _please, someone._ He pulled away from her and returned a few minuets later. He looked at her and pushed her down on the bed… Hermione noticed, he had gone to get a box that was down on the far left dresser… She felt his lips and hands over her body, tears leaked down her face… _Please, please,_ she begged.

As if god listened to her prayers she heard a small pop down stairs, _please stop_ …She said feeling weak as he bit down on her neck.

She hadn't heard someone enter the room. She opened her eyes as she felt magic in the air. She saw a figure look down on her and the man, who had haunted her both psychically and mentally, with his dark black eyes, before grabbing Mr. Granger and throwing him across the room… She laid there, feeling sick ,tired, and hurt…. And before she passed out, she felt someone covering her up and picking her up.


	3. Without Emotion

Chapter 3: Without Emotions

With each word, each abusing hit, he ripped a part of her and burned it before her eyes.

"Worthless" he spat, before his hand shamed her cheek leaving with its departure a red handprint. Another piece of her destroyed. She couldn't handle this anymore. The world she had loved slipped away from her. Blood rushed to her face, the burning sensation his hand had left stung. _Its over, its over_ she kept repeating mentally. She rested her head against the wall praying, no begging to die, to leave this hell, to get away. "Whore get in here," Hermione heard him scream. On shaking legs she pulled herself together. If she kept him waiting she knew what would happen she had learned the hard way. She stood silently, her body shrinking back as much as it could manage without angering him.

"Come here bitch," he slurred. Tears filling her eyes she walked slowly to him, fear rising in her chest.. He ran a finger down her redden cheek and smiled. Hermione closed her eyes and wished that God would strike her down. "Look at me!" He commanded anger evident in his voice. Her eyes shot open he stepped closer, he leaned in his mouth inches from her ear "you're mine FOREVER" he whispered hoarsely. Her body began to trembling as he brushed his hand down the side of her neck traveling to her collar bone until he reached the first button of her blood stained blouse. Her eyes widened, realization hitting her like a ton of bricks. "Please no" she mumbled tears running down her face. He slammed his face into the side of her mouth. Blood ran down her torn lips, she looked at him from the floor. His blow had been so sudden, that its impact had made fall. He bent down to her and grabbed her face, "baby do you see what you make me do, be good I don't want to hurt you, but you have to learn," he spoke before roughly kissing her. She pushed him away scared of what she knew would happen. Scooting farther away from him she saw the wild look in his eyes. He reached for her and grabbed her by the foot. She thrashed against his grip, but he was to strong she couldn't escape. Another blow to the head, another slap in the face, he bit down on her shoulder making her scream. She thrashed underneath him. "PLEASE STOP, DAD PLEASE PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS PLEASE STOP," she screamed, as he ripped her blouse and unbuttoned his pants. She fought him, as he roughly handled her breasts, biting down on her flesh. He unbuttoned her pants with one hand as the other was over her upper chest. She kicked and screamed begging him to stop to not do this. Her underwear he discarded by tearing it off her. She looked at him, their eyes locked "please stop," she whispered. He looked down at her, she closed her eyes and begged that if their was a God that he would save her, to send someone to protect her. "Mine" he whispered as he thrust into him. A scream like no other escaped from her lips. Pain rushed through her body, seizing her with each thrust he made for his own pleasure. She didn't fight, how could she? Her soul slowly died in one of the cruelest forms of death. No one had saved her, not her friends, teachers, her mother, or God. God had died to her. She had begged him to save her and he had turned away when she needed him the most. How could he let this happen, her father! The man she had called 'daddy' for so many years. The man she trusted with all her heart. The man, who was supposed to protect her, had just ruined the rest of her life. He moved roughly in her one last time before pulling out. A sigh escaping his lips, he moved off her. "Get dressed and go make dinner," he ordered no remorse in his voice, and left without a word. Yes, there was no God. He had died to her.

Severus watched as the girl in front of him dream of her torture. He watched the man who was supposed to be her father rape and abuse the girl. Anger rose in him! "Coward," he cursed through gritted teeth. Turing away from her, he headed to his lab. She needed an internal healing potion along with a blood restoring potion, and a dreamless sleeping drought. Scanning the shelf's for the potions she required he gathering them and returned to the room where he had left her, his bedroom. When he entered he found it to be empty, scanning the room he noticed her in a corner crying. He approached her attentively, "Miss Granger," he said smoothly as he bent down to her level. He could see the fear in her eyes. "I need you to drink these, they'll help you" he continued. She looked at the three potions and then at him. Parting her cracked lips she said "please kill me" tears flowed endlessly down her face. He sat down in front of her a safe enough distance for her, and watched her cry, watched as the smartest witch in Hogwarts slowly faded before his eyes.

Review! Thanks to all. Sorry it took so long.


	4. IT and learning to Heal

_She looked at the three potions and then at him. Parting her cracked lips she said "please kill me" tears flowed endlessly down her face. He sat down in front of her a safe enough distance for her, and watched her cry, watched as the smartest witch in Hogwarts slowly faded before his eyes. _

Chapter 4: IT and learning to Heal

Her words echoed around them both. There was nothing he could say. He watched her, watched as the tears fell one after the other. He saw her eyes lighten then darken with each passing minute, his mind rationalized with him, that it was a trick of the light, but he was captivated by her. She looked at him, no more tears just hollowness.

"Will you hurt me?" It wasn't that she was asking to be hurt; no Severus understood well enough what she wanted to know. He didn't speak for several moments, her eyes unmoving, empty staring at him, demanding he answer. She gazed at him, not as a student would a Professor, or the man who had taunted her, belittled her for her intelligence, no just a human being, a person. He looked back at her; he felt her look at his very soul in those few moments.

"No," he answered finally, no emotion, no sign that he wanted her to believe him.

Her lips twitched upward, into what could be called a smile. It wasn't the smile he'd seen her have while with her friends, or while she learned a new method, theory, or spell. She reached for the potions and drank one after the other in the order he had put them in. he observed her, she was different, harder, colder, tired, angry, hurt, betrayed, exposed, violated, and humiliated.

She looked at him, and stood up from where she had been trying to will herself to disappear. Glancing around, she spotted a small alarm clock looking object on the night table next to the bed which seemed to call her name.

"I believe it is dinner time," she said her voice lacked everything he had known it once had. The happiness, the joy, the excitement – warmth.

He nodded pulling himself to a standing stance. Severus threw her a cautious glance before leaving her to her solitude.

Hermione watched his retreating back. She should have been happy having been left alone to ponder on her thoughts in peace, yet felt a pinch of sadness that had gone. Shaking her head, she walked to what she presumed to be his bed. Sliding under the blankets, she hissed, the blankets roughly gliding over her cuts and bruises, making them spring to life. She laid there, feeling her body throb in pain. She turned to her side, ignoring her body's persistent reminder to stay still, to not move.

Hermione Jane Granger, her name. His last name, her last name. He was her father, and she his daughter. The daughter of a man who destroyed her, but she wouldn't let him, she told herself she wouldn't let him run her life, what was left of it. She had been saved, it was ironic who had saved her, but that didn't matter, she had another chance. She was unsure of herself, was she safe, or was she in more danger then before. She snorted silently at the thought, in more danger then what her mind challenged, in more danger of being raped, beaten, and verbally abused then you were with him? No, she wasn't, she would be safe with him at the moment she told herself. Her father, no she corrected herself the man who had once been her father, she would call him something else. She stayed there wondering what name would fit him the best, Destroyer, Animal, beast, Monster, they seem to lack something. What do you name a man who murdered you, slowly ripped your soul? Soul shredder she told herself mentally, the fit, but it was below him. She had known of men who had done horrible things to there families, friends and loved once. But she had never thought it of him, of IT…yes it would fit perfectly.

IT, wasn't human, he didn't feel, didn't understand, rationalize or have a soul. She wondered what had happened to IT, but quickly dismissed the thought, she didn't care, didn't care if he died, burned a life, was tortured to death. No she didn't care, she shouldn't care, so why was she feeling the way she did. IT didn't matter, to her; no she would find a way to make sure no one would hurt her. She would never let anyone hurt her like that. Should she let people near her? This question was difficult to answer. She'd be hurt if she did, but she couldn't push people away, she couldn't close herself to love. She wouldn't be like IT, never, he was that way. No she would let people in, little by little but always alert, until she felt it was safe. She would trust someday again she reasoned with herself, when they had earned her trust. When they proved that they wouldn't hurt her. She wasn't delusional she knew it was human nature to hurt each other, but she would learn to be able to deal with it, she would become harder, more stern, no one would break her again.

NO ONE would make her want to die. Her thoughts drifted to IT again, and sleepily yawning into her hand she muttered, "Thank you, for killing my innocence." She thought of what she had said and added, "For making me realize that the world is cold, harsh, mean, brutal, for making me understand that I have to protect myself against people,…" she spat the word as though it was dirty," … like you." Yawning again she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

A/N: This chapter was a total of 915 words without the title. Thank you for reading, and to those who reviewed last chapter.

adge9631 – Thanks a bunch for reading & reviewing.

ss – Glad you liked it.

Caiuslover – The one I wanted to address the most, your review was not offending, it was helpful. I noticed that fanfiction did that to my chapters, I'll fix it. I'm glad you love the plot.

Ms willow gosermer – Glad you think its emotional, I try to make it seem as real as I can...yes there will be more.


	5. In the Darkness

Chapter 5: In the Darkness

Twenty minutes passed before Severus Snape reentered his bedroom. The sight before him was unusual to say the least. He couldn't remember the last woman that he had allowed to sleep in his bed. He pondered it over watching her breath softly, her mouth slightly open. Was it Ruth? No she had been after Emily. Oh it didn't matter; he had pushed them away, made them not want anything with him. He was destined to be alone; he understood that and accepted it. The one person he had loved, still loved to this day was dead and it was due to him. It wasn't guilt, but hate deep rooted hatred for himself, for letting her die, for being the reason she was gone.

He inhaled, calming his heart. It hurt still to remember her. He hated being weak, it was not him, but that's what she had always done.

He watched her stir slightly and a soft moan escaped her lips. She looked calm enough. He had informed the headmaster of his discovery and in return had received a short note, much to his displeasure requesting that he let the girl stay with him. He didn't know what the old man was playing at but whatever it was he was not partaking on it.

Resigning himself that she wasn't going to wake he walked back into his living room. It was nothing like his other home, if it could be considered a home. She didn't know that after the death of her mother he had been assigned the duty of watching over her. He had been given a muggle home, with everything to make him pass off as a muggle. He had spent most of the summer, reading, researching, and brewing this did not include of course the Death Eater meetings he needed to attend, along with being at his other home when someone required him to be there. It was a sticky situation that put him in but he had managed so far to avoid any questions.

Sitting down he summoned a book he had briefly browsed at, Sysyane, it wasn't something he could care interesting more facts then anything. It addressed his department, potions and so he sat there and read through it. It was very long before his eyes began to droop, stifling a yawn, he set the book down.

Luna. He called quietly not wanting to wake his new room mate. A small elf appeared before him, bowing awaiting instructions.

"I will not be dinning tonight, bring me the slumbering potion that is all you may go."

The small elf nodded and winked out. Silently he made his way to the couch that would be his bed for the rest of the night, closing his eyes he waited for Luna to return.

A pop was heard, opening his eyes Severus looked at the elf, who held out a bottle to him. Taking it he dismissed her, taking two gulps, he recapped it and placed it on a near by table.

Closing his eyes he muttered 'nox' and slowly drifted to sleep. Darkness engulfing him, welcoming him to his slumber.

Hermione woke feeling extremely sick. She heard a male voice mumbling and fear rose in her. Not daring to move, she stayed there, a few minutes later it stopped. Sighing she let her muscles relax. It was dark, but it didn't matter to her. She just stayed there, pondering over what had happened, why it had happened.

Why, that's all she wanted to know. Just why. She remembered when it had been good, when her life wasn't so difficult. When she didn't feel so alone.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. She couldn't be strong, it hurt too much. She whimpered remembering what had happened. She tried to stop the images, tried to make them go away. She wrapped the blankets around herself, ignoring the protest her body gave her. Why?! Why her, why her family? Everything she believed was no more, everything she had held dear had betrayed her. She couldn't understand. She cried unable to do anything else. Her heart breaking piece by piece; she would never be the same. No matter how much she told herself she would be alright, that she had to fight it didn't matter, it didn't matter! She was dieing, she was bleeding. Where was the girl she had once been? Gone. It was simple enough.

Resentment ran through her. She hated the world, hated god for doing this. She had never done anything to hurt someone, and yet god had looked down at her and shunned her – left her unprotected. All merciful huh? All giving and understand. So where was her fucking mercy, her bloody understanding? Anger rose in her, her very blood boiled thinking of how unjust things had turned out.

_YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, YOU'RE FUCKING FAULT. _ They stung still remembering how each one was said, as she was thrown on the floor, and kicked. She shuddered still feeling his hands on her, pounding her, drawing blood. He had broken her ribs countless times, not including her broken nose, a broken leg and arm.

Her life was an empty hole, nothing mattered. How could she fight when everything she was, laid at the feet of the Monster she had once called 'dad'. IT would live on, as though nothing happened, but she would forever be scared, forever scared of being touched.

Her mind fought with itself, logic trying to reason with emotion. She had to work and over come this, be strong she had to live on, but logic wasn't being heard, all the pain, sadness, grief washed over it. Logic, yes logic always helped her, always, when she had been alone it told her it would get better. Logic now told her to not give in, even though she wanted to die, to never be found, to fade away. It wouldn't be easy, but she had to fight. She would break, but she would have to get up and fight again, she only hoped that she had enough strength left to be able to.

1,017 words! LOL…I hope its okay. I didn't edit it. I just kind of wrote it, hope you get it.  Thanks to all that read. Remember Review…

Ps - I know it seems Hermione is over coming this quickly, but trust me, people who have gone through things like this are in pain and hurt forever, it never stops hurting but they have to fight. Hermione wouldn't give in that easily, she's pretty strong. Sorry again for mistakes!


	6. Cause You're My Little Queen

Seether - I'm the one : "Cause you're my little queen"

Light rained in through the small windows of the room she occupied. Groaning she opened her eyes slowly. It had been a restful night if you considered five hours of sleep, restful. Moving against the sweat drenched sheets she slowly etched her way to the side of the bed. Her mind had fought the potion, allowing fragments of dreams to escape its grasps making her wake with his voice ringing in her head. She shivered as her feet touched her cold stone floor. Looking around for the first time she admired the sophistication and charm of the room she was in. It was simple and neat. A black carpet was laid out in front of the bed. A dresser stood to the side, along with a desk on the other wall. it was simple with a four poster king sized bed being the center of the room. It was spacey but still kept the quality of not being an empty space. She smiled sadly it was a nice room, better then she had for months. He was to blame for that. He was to blame for everything, for her tears, sleepless night, her pain, and her suffering. He would pay for it someday. He would pay. She felt her very blood boil in her veins, she hated him, hated him with all her might. Closing her eyes she stood up, holding onto the bedpost for support. She was still very weak and it took a lot of strength to walk, but she managed to walk to the door. Catching her breath she used the door handle to balance her self; opening she walked out. She looked around and spotted her professor a book on his lap his long fingers laced together on top of it. He raised an eyebrow at her, she lowered her gaze.

"Good morning sir" she said in a hushed rushed voice. He nodded at her. Unsure of what to do she played with a piece of her hair, curling it around her finger.

"Care to sit?" he questioned.

She looked at him again and walked towards the nearest sitting chair. She felt dizzy from walking so much, but dared not show it. She had learned that showing pain was a weakness. She remembered as the thing called her father had craved her tears her screams. It gave him sick pleasure to know he could break her. Sitting down she looked at the man infront of her, if she was going to be strong. She would start by not showing him anything, not that he'd cared.

"Sleep well," he commented off handly returning to his book.

"Well enough." He looked at her trying to read her, but all he found was a shadow of her emotions. _Shes good _he though, it had taken him longer to get to the point she was at.

"If you'd care you may pick a book to read, one at a time, put it back retrieve another. Do not ruin the order they are in."

"Thank you, sir not to bother you, but I need..."

"clothing" he finished for her watching her look down at her attire.

She nodded, her face flushed.

"Professor Dumbledore and Mcgnoigal shall be arriving an hour with a few of your belongings."

She nodded, standing up she moved towards the closest bookself, a foot or so away from her chair. Scanning the collection of books she smiled, she had read a few of these half a dozen times. After several minutes she settled on a book which looked as though it had been through a great deal. The pages looked worn and tattered from being read, and turned.

"**The Severans** and the Soldier-Emperor (193–284 A.D)" she read mentally

_In 193 A.D., Septimius Severus seized Rome and established a new dynasty. He rested his authority more overtly on the support of the army and substituted equestrian officers for senators in key administrative positions, thereby broadening imperial power throughout the empire. The Severan dynasty, comprising the relatively short reigns of Septimius (r. 193–211 A.D.), Caracalla (r. 211–17 A.D.), Macrinus (r. 217–18 A.D.), Elagabalus (r. 218–22 A.D.), and Alexander Severus (r. 222–35 A.D.), gave rise to the imperial candidates of Syrian background. Caracalla abolished all distinctions between Italians and provincials. Following his reign, however, military anarchy led to a succession of short reigns and eventually the rule of the soldier-emperors (235–84 A.D.)._

In the age of the soldier-emperors, between the assassination of Alexander Severus, the last of the Severans, in 235 A.D. and the beginning of Diocletian's reign in 284, at least sixteen men bore the title of emperor: Maximinus (r. 235–38 A.D.), Gordian I and II, Pupienus and Balbinus (r. 238 A.D.), Gordian III (r. 238–44 A.D.), Philip the Arab (r. 244–49 A.D.), the Illyrian Decius (r. 249–51 A.D.), Trebonianus Gallus (r. 251–53 A.D.), Aemilianus (r. 253 A.D.), Valerian (r. 253–60 A.D.), Gallienus (r. 253–68 A.D.), Claudius Gothicus (r. 268–70 A.D.), Aurelian (r. 270–75 A.D.), Tacitus (r. 275–76 A.D.), Probus (r. 276–82 A.D.), Carus (r. 282–83 A.D.), Carinus (r. 283–84 A.D.), and Numerianus (r. 283–84 A.D.). Most were fierce military men and none could hold the reins of power without the support of the army. Almost all, having taken power upon the murder of the preceding emperor, came to a premature and violent end. Social life declined in Roman towns and instead flourished among the country aristocracy, whose secure lifestyle in large fortified estates foreshadowed medieval feudalism

She stopped reading and looked up. He just sat there watching her, not angry or caring. She followed his gaze to the book in her hand back to her.

"Family history, my fathers great grandfather, as you can see my family last name has changed through the ages" he commented seeing the curious look in her eyes. She nodded and placed the book back on the shelf where it belonged. Walking over to the chair she sat down and watched as he followed suit. They sat in silence. It wasn't strained or even uncomfortable. She hadn't known comfort for a while now, this was pleasant enough.

'The headmaster will be coming soon'…he knew that's what that ment, they all knew. She'd have to face question after question. She dreaded having to tell them. Having to relive those moments of fear and agony. She knew they'd understand, everyone always understood, but she deep down she knew they wouldn't. No one understands until they live through it, that's how it always is. They would show her empathy that was it. They didn't know how it felt to be betrayed in such a way, to have to face the truth that your own flesh and blood had harmed you for amusment. Damaged you forever, that it would take a lifetime to forget those memories locked up inside her brain. She smiled slightly thinking of how ironic life was; here she was sitting across her potions master, at what seemed to be his home. Never would she have dreamed that, but yet again she had stopped dreaming a while back. It was just easier not to dream. Her dreams only held what memories she could not suppress. Looking up from the ground she noticed his gaze still on her, and wondered what he pondered on so deeply about. She heard two small pops somewhere beside her and prepared herself.


	7. My father, no more

Chapter 7: My Father, no more

Chapter 7: My Father, no more.

'The headmaster will be coming soon'…he knew that's what that meant, they all knew. She'd have to face question after question. She dreaded having to tell them. Having to relive those moments of fear and agony. She knew they'd understand, everyone always understood, but deep down she knew they wouldn't. No one would understand until they lived through it, that's how it always works. They would show her empathy that was it. They didn't know how it felt to be betrayed in such a way, to have to face the truth that your own flesh and blood had harmed you for amusement. Damaged you forever in a way that would take a lifetime to forget; to not be able to sleep at night because the memories locked away come a live. She smiled slightly thinking of how ironic life was; here she was sitting across her potions master, at what seemed to be his home. Never would she have dreamed that, but yet again she had stopped dreaming a while back. It was just easier not to dream. Her dreams only held what horrors she could not suppress. Looking up from the ground she noticed his gaze still on her, and wondered what he pondered on so deeply about. She heard two small pops somewhere beside her and prepared herself.

She sighed softly upon hearing Dumbledore's voice. Calm and collected, it drift through the air freeing her of the, all that mattered to her was feeling the comfort it brought. It set her at ease just by the soothing tone that it had. Her peace was interrupted when she felt someone place a hand on her shoulder. A thousand thoughts shot through her. Her heart pounded against her chest. His voice screamed in her head. She felt fear take over; she needed to leave, to escape, to run. She needed to not be touched.

She pulled away quickly as though with the mere touch burned her. She looked up and found professor McGonagall looking sadly at her. Anger rose in her, she didn't need pity. How dare she act as if she understood her, understand anything about this? She hasn't felt him tear at her, claw his way into her worst dreams. She didn't hear the screams that had escaped her. She didn't know.

"Why don't we all sit down," she heard professor Dumbledore comment to every one in the room. She watched as her professors sat down. She noticed that Professor Snape was standing still, watching her. She wondered when he had stood up, but that didn't matter. What mattered where his scrutinizing eyes. They scanned her, searching for a sign of fragileness, of weakness. She wouldn't give him any, not him, not anyone. Never again, would she be someone's toy to kick and play with. Never would she let someone see her cry. Let someone harm her so deeply.

She sat across from both Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall, just adjacent to Hogwarts Potions Master. She closed her eyes briefly gathering her strength, and opened them, waiting for the questions to begin. She wanted them to start so she could get out of the room; she wanted them to end as soon as possible. The only way that was going to happen was if they started.

She gazed unmoving into warm, loving caring eyes. _Like your fathers once were_ a voice silently whispered inside her head. She quickly silenced the voice. She wouldn't think of things like that, she had no father.

"Miss Granger, how are you?" Dumbledore questioned.

Hermione stared back, blank, unreadable.

That was it _How are you_ that was her first question. How the fuck did he think she was? Did he not know? No, that was an absurd thought, of course he knew. He had to know, Snape must have told him. "Fine" she replied. Her mask never slipping, never giving her true thoughts away.

"That's good," he smiled kindly at her, "I believe without your knowing Professor Snape has been watching over you through out the summer."

She threw him a sharp look but said nothing before returning her gaze to the man who was speaking.

"That is how we found out what was occurring."

"A little late" she replied off handily.

She knew she was being rude; it wasn't there fault what had happened. She could care less though, this was pointless. It didn't matter. She wished he'd get to his point, she wanted to be alone.

"Your father" he continued, she flinched at his words. A shadow passed over his troubled blue eyes apon observing her reaction. He treaded more cautiously as he proceeded, "will be put on trial, I've come to collect your testimony."

She felt sick, please hurry she begged silently.

"I know this isn't something you'd like to talk about, but it would make the process go by faster. Being that he is a muggle, we are not able to bring him to justice as we would a Wizard or Witch but special laws are being enforced."

He stopped and waited for her to speak, but she didn't say a word. He glanced at McGonagall who was fidgeting in her seat nervously before continuing.

Sighing, he began again. "These laws…."

She interrupted him; her voice was strained but clear. "I know what the laws mandate, you'll erase his memory. He will be watched, and never will he be able to have contact with me again. I will never have existed. You will erase all memories of me from the rest of my family as well. His property and money will be taken from him. He will be put in a muggle prison for 10 to 15 years depending on the crime they elected to charge him with in the muggle world."

She stopped to take a breath, "I've read it before, I don't care. It has no meaning to me. If he lives or dies, I wouldn't matter." Her voice was angry, cold and harsh. He would be able to forget, he would be able to act as if nothing happened. While she would always have to live with it; they could erase her memory too, but she new it wouldn't last. Memories spells only lasted a little while if the person who it had been put on had suffered greatly or was in terrible pain. It wouldn't stick. Her memories would overpower the spell and she'd remember all over again, relive it again.

"Very well, Miss Granger is there anything I can do for you?"

She sat there, looking through him. She nodded, "Let him keep his memories. She stopped to think, "I want him to live each day of his life knowing what he did. Leave him be, let him die in his own filth and waste. That's what you can do for me, do nothing, and leave it as it is."

They all stared at her, no one spoke.

"You want him to go unpunished?" Professor McGonagall questioned amazement a hint of anger in her voice.

She directed her gaze at her. "Yes" she replied flippantly.

She watched as her head of house turned scarlet, her breathing become sharp and strained. "AFTER ALL THAT MAN DID TO YOU, AFTER HOW HE TREATED YOU; YOU'D LET HIM GET AWAY UNPUNISHED; YOU WANT HIM TO GO AS IF NOTHINGS HAPPENED. THAT MONSTER RAPED YOU…… She screamed at her angrily.

MANERVA THAT'S ENOUGH" Dumbledore bellowed silencing her.

Hermione felt hate. Anger rose in her, but she tamed it. Collecting herself again, she began to speak.

"I have no reason to explain myself to you or anyone else professor, it is my decision. McGonagall gasped in an unflatting manner, she had never heard Hermione express herself towards an adult in such away. If he dies, it wouldn't erase my memories. It wouldn't take my pain away. It wouldn't do anything. Don't stand there professor and act as if you understand. What do you understand? You know facts. Nothing more. Professor Dumbledore asked what he could do for me, I told him. Leave it be. I don't want his memories taken away because I can't have mine erased, all you'll be doing is giving him peace of mind. I don't want him to lose everything, because I want him to know what he lost."

Her breath was ragged, she felt cold, numb. She watched as her professors looked at her. They didn't understand. There was no punishment good enough to pay for the damage she had been caused, nothing, that would make her pain disappear.

"Is that what you really want Miss Granger?"

She nodded, not being able to find her voice.

"Very well, you will be staying here until the beginning of the term. Your belongings will be arriving shortly in your room; if you have any further question Professor Snape will be happy to answer them for you." With that being said he stood up giving her a saddened look that would have broken the heart of Hermione J. Granger, or what was left of it.

She heard two small pops and knew they had left. She hadn't bothered to wish them a safe trip, or even say goodbye.

Standing up, she looked over at her Professor, he was standing as well. They stood in total silence for a brief moment both trying to find some common ground.

"Follow me" he commanded not looking directly at her, and began to walk. She watched him go, and followed suit.

"This will be you're room" he said opening the door to a medium sized room very much like the one she had spent the night in.

He looked her over. "Dinner will be brought to you, if you wish to join me you may" with that he departed. She didn't waste time, as soon as he has begun to walk away; she entered her new room, and closed the door. Desperately fighting tears she slid to the floor in front of the door, she cried silently. She wept for herself; for her soul for her heart, for her future.

This chapter is dedicated to the three people below:

adge9631  
2008-07-05  
ch 6,

Thanks for the review. I'm glad you like it. I will try to update at least twice a week. Mondays and Wednesday. Friday the latest. Thank you for the review.

Murgy31  
2008-06-29  
ch 6,

Thank you for the review. I appreciate it. I'm glad you liked it.

Steelo  
2008-06-29  
ch 6,

I hope it does evoke emotion. Thank you for the review. : )


	8. Discovery

Chapter 8 – Discovery

Sighing she stood, how long had she cried? Oh, it didn't matter, she was tired, so fucking tired of this, of feeling weak. Of having everything turned against her, of her own patheticness. She walked towards the window and looked out. Why wasn't it any different? Why was she the only one that changed, felt dirty and worthless?

Her eyes burned, crying for as long as she had would do that. She smiled sadly looking out at the world, at a bird that landed on a tree near by. It looked at her, trying to figure out if it was safe. She looked down at her hands; she wanted to scream at it to fly, to fly as high as it could, to go as far away from her as its tiny wings would carry it, to never let anyone capture it, to never trust anyone…

Closing her eyes she imagined herself leaving…flying away, breaking away from her body, and going far far away from everyone, from everything. She wished, oh how she wished to fly - to never turn back. Opening her eyes tears escaped them. She touched her cheek, and saw the evidence of a tear on her finger tips. She shook her head sadly - not knowing what else to do. Would they ever stop? Was she condemned to forever cry for god's mistakes?

Why had he left her? She had never been cruel. Never hurt anyone before, she had loved him, trusted him. She had called out to him, why hadn't he answered? When everything else had failed her, she had turned to him, and he had turned his back on her. Why had he ignored her tears, her words, her pain. Was she not worth anything? Why!

She felt anger curse through her veins - felt it bubble within her. She needed to calm down, or find a constructive way to release it. Fuck that, she just needed it out of her. She needed to let go, to push back at the world that had pushed her till she had broken -to find a reason to live, to fight back. Anything, she wanted meaning again, wanted to know that it wasn't pointless to breathe, to keep going on. She wanted her soul to heal, to not feel the world curse her name and watch her fall.

She smiled a bitter self-loathing smile. She'd fight back, she knew she had to. He had taken everything from her. She'd rebuilt it, rebuilt it slowly, but she would never let anyone hurt her. She'd learn to defend herself, to find a way to be in control. NEVER AGAIN!

Standing up she walked to the bedroom door, opening it she walked towards the bathroom. She needed to wash her face, and a long cold shower. She'd wash away the traces of her weakness, wash away Hermione Jean Granger.

To her surprise upon walking into the bathroom she noticed her belongings in a box, her hair products, her body lotions, and everything in between. She opened the bottle of shampoo and winced as it brought a memory forth.

'_Your mine! Forever. His voice hissed into her ear, breathing in her smell. Pulling her hair he turned her face to him. _

'_Mine forever, understand?' She nodded holding back tears. _

'_Get undressed, and in the tub.' She did what she was told; she knew the price of hesitating. She watched as his eyes changed, watched as he became aroused at the sight of her naked body. He stood up, and walked over to her, cupped her full breast into his hand and squeezed. Please God, help me she begged looking through him. She dared not look anywhere else. He enjoyed her watching what he did. She shivered unable to stop herself as he turned the water, cold as ice against her bruised skin. She counted to five, preparing herself for his attack. It wasn't long; maybe five seconds before his fist collided with her cheek. _

'_I didn't tell you to move bitch.' She didn't move, she felt his hands on her hips, felt his soaked t-shirt against her body. _

'_Kiss me.' It wasn't a request, but an order. She did, and cried internally, pretend just pretend, she repeated over and over in her head. _

_He pushed her away; she stumbled and hit her head roughly against the tile wall. She closed her eyes trying to adjust to the pain, she watched full of dread as he unzipped his jeans, and pulled down his boxers. _

'_You like what you see witch? _

_She didn't move, when she began to it was too late. He pushed her against the tile wall, and bit her shoulder making it bleed. _

_He looked into her eyes and slapped her, hard. 'Answer me bitch!' _

_She spoke, her voice strained 'Yes, I like it' _

_He smiled at her, his hunger visible in his eyes, and stepped away. _

'_On your knees' _

_She did as he demanded, he waited. She let tears fall, it didn't matter, the water that hit her face hid her tears. _

_With shaking hands she ran her fingers over him, she felt him react and felt sick. _

'_What are you waiting for?' he barked. _

_She looked at him, and then down at his stiff penis, and opened her mouth…_

"Granger!" A voice screamed. She opened her eyes, shaking. She couldn't move. Her heart pounded against her chest. She felt dizzy, nauseas, and then everything went blank.

o.0.o.0.o.0.o

Severus groaned, what was he going to do? He didn't know how to take care of someone else. He barely took care of himself. It wasn't uncommon for him to go days without food; he often lost track time when he was working. He looked up and sighed inwardly. This wasn't a good idea, he had told Dumbledore that many times.

Foolish man, what did he think would happen? That they'd heal each others wounds? The very idea made him laugh. The girl needed someone else, someone sensitive to her feelings, to what she went through. Not someone who had done those things to girls just like her. _Against your will_, a voice spoke. It didn't matter, he'd still done them. Standing up, he looked at the clock, 7:30 - time for dinner. He had left her alone all day, he didn't know what she was doing - it didn't matter to him. All he wanted was her to heal quickly and get the hell out of his home, his life. He didn't need to deal with this; he wasn't any good at it.

He snapped his fingers and Luna appeared before him, looking anxious.

'Dinner?' he questioned raising an eye-brow. The little elf's ears flatted and nodded and left.

He stood up; he'd better go fetch his charge. She wouldn't look for him, or join him for dinner. He wasn't stupid; the very sight of him repulsed her. Why wouldn't he? He walked out of his personal chambers, robes dancing in the wind; he created himself. He passed his modest living room, and found no traces of her, not that it shocked him. She must still be in here he thought, walking towards it. He knocked and received no answer, opening the door, he found it empty. Dread filled him, where was she!? Damn her, he quickly made his way towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. Releasing the breath he had been holding he watched her. She was there, standing looking at something. Curiosity getting the better of him, he entered her mind, it wasn't hard, she wouldn't even notice. Her mind was so damaged that his entering made no difference. He watched her memories slowly formulate themselves. Saw her father, her home bathroom, and everything else. He felt her fear, anger, and helplessness.

He pulled out of her mind as quickly as he could. He felt bile rising in his throat. He watched her for a minute more, hoping he wouldn't have to drag her from the memory himself. Seeing that she wasn't ending it, he called her name. Nothing, sighing he bellowed "Granger!" He watched as she reacted to his voice, but didn't turn around. She was shaking uncontrollably the bottle she had been holding lay on the floor, slowly emptying itself around her bare feet. She began to sway, and he knew what would soon happen, he walked behind her just in time to catch her faint into his arms. He looked down at her, and felt something in his heart reach out to her. Shaking his head he carried her back to his room, he needed to call Poppy, and his room was the only one in the whole house connected to the network.

He layed her on the bed, and walked away from her. After collecting himself he kneeled down and called for Poppy. It was a matter of minutes before she stepped through.

"Severus, where?"

He nodded towards Hermione's direction.

Poppy rushed past him, and began her routine diagnosis. A look of pure horror flashed over her face, and a sudden determination took its place soon after. Severus looked up at her, wondering what was taking her so long. She should have finished long before now.

"Poppy..." he stopped his sentence, seeing the tears in the older woman's eyes..

"Speak woman!" he snapped unable to stop himself.

"She's pregnant" she squeaked tears falling freely from her light brown eyes. Severus felt as if he had been sucker punched. Everything around him looked wrong, he held on to the bed for support. She was wrong, she couldn't be. She had said so herself before. NO! He wouldn't believe it.

He pushed her aside roughly, and began his own set of spells wanting to prove her wrong, for himself and the sleeping child…no woman on his bed.

"How, you….before….Oh God."

Poppy rushed over to him, "Severus, when I did my exams the first time it said she wasn't….Severus the poor child!"

He couldn't take it anymore he needed to be alone, he needed time to think. "Get OUT!" He snarled at her. She was startled but did so. Shaking her head sadly at both of them as she left.

Ruth - SO sorry people. No joke. I'll be better about updating. To those who I told I'd update Every monday or what not, you can slap me now . I'm a liar. Blah sorry again. Hope you like it. If you have any ideas you can e-mail me. Don't forget to review.


	9. Once Again

_Chapter 9 – Anger and Pain _

_Where was she? Had it all been a dream, a blissful dream of escape? She felt a tightening of her heart and opened her eyes, she had to know. It was dark, and cold. She slowly crawled out of bed, only to stop herself as she watched an approaching figure. She didn't need to see. She could sense it, dark magic. It stuck to this person, like a sickness to the dieing. He was moving towards her. Every cell in her body reacted; she waved her hand and sent him fly towards the wall where she held him in place. She wouldn't be hurt. No one would hurt again. Never again. _

'_Who are you?' She demanded. She sensed it, familiar magic. Magic that tried to conquer hers, silently, and deadly. She felt herself being pushed, felt herself loose ground, and held him tighter._

'_WHO!' She spat, letting him breathe a little more. She wanted to hurt him, to let her frustration harm this man. To let herself go. _

'_Snape' the masked man snarled painfully. She looked him over even in the darkness she could recognize him, recognize the essence of another's magic. _

'_Lumos' she muttered indifferently and the room began to fill with light. This man was claiming to be no other then Severus Snape. She felt anger rush through her and barely managed to control it, was she forever to fear for her safety? Wheezing slightly she waved her hand again, and watched as his mask flew across the room. Dark eyes, pierced her, sliced threw her. It was him, she could sense it, smell it, and even taste his magic. Dark magic. She wanted to reach for it, to touch it. It called to her. _

_She slowly released him, placing him soundly and safely on the ground. His eyes never left hers. They were searching, trying to understand, she knew, she had done the same. She didn't know when, but it had happened, her magic had taken a different form, a stronger, more refined form. _

_She finally broke his gaze and returned to the bed where she had been resting. She looked around admiring the beautiful leather chairs, the vast amount of bookshelves, stock-piled with books, and the fire place that blazed to life, as he ignited it. She wondered why she was here of all places, and almost asked but was interrupted by his moving across the room to a small cabinet she had over looked. She watched in fascination as he waved his wand over it and it opened without a sound. After retrieving two small bottles and drinking there contents he placed them back and cast what she could only guess were wards, locking charms and protective spells. She pondered what he hid in there but didn't give it another thought. He moved swiftly away from the small cabinet to a seat that faced her. She observed his features, his dark eyes, his beak of a nose, and pale white, sunken, sullen and bruised skin. Had she done that? She felt pang of guilt but quickly over came it. _

_He wasn't looking at her though; he was watching the fire burn with life before them. She wanted him to speak, to scream, to shout, to end this silence. But he didn't. She watched him shift uneasily under her gaze and sighed softly. She had fainted. She had concluded that much. She always fainted as a child when something distasteful crossed her mind. Distasteful, yeah, like hell it was. Grinding her teeth she closed that door she would not do this now. She needed to focus. So she had fainted and he had brought her here? Why not her room? Any room really? She tired to piece it together, not knowing what else to do. She needed answers but didn't voice her questions. She had spent months with no one to talk to but that beast and had learned that silence was poison but also glorious in its own way. It left her time to think, to construct, and analysis. _

_She moved slightly trying to find a comfortable position, her actions drew his eyes. They stared for what seemed hours, but must have been mere minutes. Something in his eyes told her she would suffer, something about the way he was holding himself, the way he kept flickering from her face to her body and then to the fire told her she wouldn't like this one bit. She braced herself, but he never spoke. His eyes held no desire, no need, just still pain. Pain, she understood pain, accepted it. Calmness rushed through her. She'd never noticed his pain before. Why? Had she been blind? It was clear as day. She wanted to reach out and tell him she felt it too. Felt it rot her away to her core, but didn't dare. Who was she to tell him that she understood? _

_It was several minutes before he finally attempted to speak. His voice was harsh and uneven. This shook her more then she would have liked, his voice had always been smooth, a tantalizing, even, unhitched, sound of clarity and power. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. She closed her eyes and opened them again, only to find him staring at her. _

_She wanted to scream at him to tell her. That she could handle it, but feared she might not._

_Gulping nervously she looked at his book collection. It was beyond anything she would have imagined. It was beautiful, so many books', so many facts, ideas, knowledge. She wanted to rush forward and grab one, to open it and sink into its depths; to fade away between the pages. She sighed this time drawing him out his thoughts._

"_Miss Granger" he began his voice shaking. She felt something inside her knot up. She felt herself stop breathing for a few seconds as she waited for him to continue, trying to calm herself. Reassuring herself that everything would be alright. _

"_Sir," she spoke up, unable to stop herself. This tension was driving her crazy. This looming cloud that hung over him, and would soon hang over her, made her want to run. _

_He ran a hand threw his hair, in a feeble attempt to make it seem as though this mattered little to him; to calm himself. _

"_Professor Dumbledore will be arriving, in a few minutes, along with him, Professor McGonagall, and Madam Pom –"_

"_Why?" she interrupted. It was a simple question. Yet she found him unable to answer it._

"_They have matters to discuss with you" he answered. _

_She nodded, 'matters', if that was all why was he looking at her like a fucking lonely dirty puppy. She wanted to rush towards him and rip his eyes out. Silencing the desire to harm, she looked forward. _

"_What kind of matters?" she questioned, not caring what he responded if he responded at all. As though the sound of her own voice reminded her she was indeed alive. _

"_Matters, that must be discussed between us, and only us" a familiar wise voice spoke from the door way. _

_She stiffened but did nothing else to show her distress. Fine, bring it on. She could handle this, she had to, she didn't have any other choice. She sat there patiently as Dumbledore took the seat across from Snape. Two chairs that was it? She watched as Professor Snape summoned two more of the same fashion and style as the other two, and placed them on the floor beside himself and Dumbledore for the women to sit down. They smiled tightly at him. She watched uncaringly waiting for whatever harsh reality would soon be made known to her._

"_Miss Granger, are you thirsty? The old man asked trying to sooth the static in the room._

"_No," she answered without hesitation. He nodded, and looked at Snape. Who caught his eye and looked at the fire. Why did he always bother with such annoying chit-chat? As though his questioning how she felt, or what she needed would make any matter when the brutal truth was still the same in the end. She waited for him to begin talking to tell her what the fuck was going on, and why they all looked as though she was about to die. _

"_I'm not sure how to…um…well dear you see." He stopped, not knowing what else to say._

_That's when it happened, when she lost control. She focused all her energy at regain it quickly but it was to late. Small objects around the room began to shatter, to break, and to explode. The fire that burned steady a few feet away from both men had risen and flared with life making the women jump and look at one another. _

_She closed her eyes, fighting the desire to let her magic run a muck. No, not here, not with them in the room. She needed control. She had controlled it for so many months, and she would control it now. _

"_Isn't that interesting" Dumbledore spoke, his eyes dark and questioning._

"_You were saying?" she answered coldly. _

"_Miss Granger, how long since your last..." Again he stopped. His bloody stopping to see if she shattered was driving her insane. What was wrong? She wanted to know!! And she wanted to know NOW!_

"_Just tell me!" she snarled his direction. _

_All were taken aback by her sudden lack of respect. _

_Dumbledore's eyes locked on hers and held them. _

"_You're pregnant" _

_She didn't know if she had stopped breathing, or if something inside her soul was dieing, or if it was sickness, or anger. She didn't know, all she knew was that she felt numbness grip her, rock her to the lowest depths of her soul, and then felt fire ignite in her very core. _

_She closed her eyes and counted. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six….._

_Pregnant. Seven. Eight. Nine….._

_She tried to understand the full implications of that word, but couldn't. Couldn't bring herself to understand not again. Not when she had almost died because of it before. _

_She stilled her self and looked up. They were watching her, scrutinizing her, all except Snape. He wasn't looking at her but at the fire, his knuckles white, and lips drawn tight. She wanted to smirk. This seemed to affect him too. Did he blame himself? He shouldn't but yet found it oddly comforting that he did. _

"_Professor Snape has brewed a potion that will terminate this pregnancy…" Dumbledore spoke at last breaking the comfortable silence she now clung to. She didn't need to hear more. They wanted her to kill it; to kill the child within her. Who had no blame at all. _

_She looked at them, coldly, harshly and with hate. Despair and Agony filled her, but most of all anger. Anger that burned wild and strong. _

"_No." _

_Everyone, including Snape looked at her as if she had grown another head. She didn't care. She wouldn't go through that again. Her mind was racing, but felt oddly calm. Was this what if felt not care about living anymore. To know what has to be done, and do it no matter what the consequences. _

_Both women where trying desperately to put a sentence together; Snape beat them to the punch. _

"_Why?" her question was now his. Why indeed._

_She looked at him, and found utter confusion in his dark eyes. _

"_Stupid child! He snarled at her, standing up, and taking three strides to stand face to face with her. "This isn't a game, that thing inside you! That child is his!" _

_She felt her magic crackle around her, but didn't still it. She wanted to reach out, to pull him to her, and show him. Show him what this stupid child had to do to service, to say and act as to be here today. She wanted to pull him and make him see that he was wrong. _

"_My body, my choice" She snapped. Control, sweet control. She loved it, needed it. Lived for it now. That's all she had left. Control. _

"_Miss Granger…" _

"_I have nothing further to say to you, any of you" she interrupted and began to slide off the bed when two hands pressed her against the side of the bed, digging their nails into her shoulders._

"_You stupid, stupid, girl! Ride yourself of the idea that you are doing a noble thing. There is nothing noble about bearing your father's bastard of a child. It's sickening, repulsive and disgusting. How can you knowing that thing is his. Keep it?" His fingers dug into his skin even more, but she didn't care, pain was normal, pain was all she'd known for months. This was nothing. _

"_Severus," A sharp voice spoke up behind him._

_He ignored it, "How! Knowing that every time it looks at you, you will see him. That it will be his blood, the same blood that's in your veins in his. HOW! What will you tell it Miss Granger," he spat her name as though it was something dirty, and she realized that it was, "…when he asks about his father, will you tell him that his father is also his grandfather. That your own flesh and blood raped you!" _

_Anger, pure, blistering, agonizing, revengeful, destructive anger built and exploded through her. She watched as he fell motionless to the floor, and saw the flow of blood begin. She didn't care, it didn't matter. He didn't know. It wasn't that monsters child; he had made sure of that. Made sure it would never happen again. Yet, she felt his words sink into her soul…What will you tell it, and fled the room before she lost the little control she had left. _

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to review! With love,

Winters'Darkened'Reflection


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